Tales of the Parodyverse

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killer shrike, posting from Tuscaloosa
Fri Dec 30, 2005 at 09:12:52 am EST
Subject
A Very Parody Christmas Part Five
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Bird: Jeezy Creezy, a purple rabbit. Just when you thought you've seen it all.

Rabito, grawing at a tuft of milkweed sticking up through the snow: Yeah, well, you aren't exactly a Vermeer portrait yourself, buddy.... whoah! I can talk.

Bird, rearranging carcasses of small animals on thorn bush: Of course you can talk; all animals can talk in... well, here. Word of advice, don't get caught in conversation with a tufted titmouse. Those things never shut up.

Rabito: is that what you are?

Bird, ruffling plumage with indigantion: of course not. I'm a freakin' predator. Look at this beak, these talons...

Rabito: Nifty. So... are you here to eat me, because, no offense, you don't look like you're bird enough for it.

Bird: Nah, I'm here to warn you about the mistress of the realm, and how she's looking to eradicate conceptual entities like yourself before you can help rally the underground resistance to her rule by way of some big theological metaphor.

Rabito: I see. To be honest, I've never imagined myself as much of a "leader on horseback" type: mostly because I tend to fall off things higher than deep-pile carpet.

Bird, chomping on mouse eye: Don't matter: Snoprah Wintry is a paranoid psychopath with delusions of godhood. She'll pay any price, grant any boon, too see you and any other outsider dead.

Rabito: Really? What should I do?

Bird: First of all you should try to get out of the snow, since you don't exactly blend in. Second, you should probably come with me and look for the underground.

Rabito, not quite sure if s/he can trust the bird with the varmint entrails hanging from its mouth: You know where they are?

Bird: No, but I'm sure the trees (yes, they can talk too) have informed them that one of the chosen ones have arrived in the Wood. Its only a matter of time before somebody shows up to fill us in more on the backstory. By Part Seven at the latest.

Rabito: OK, I guess that's a plan. Lead on, Mr. Bird.

Bird: Shrike. I'm a shrike.

To be continued, if someone dares....


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